Lately I have been struggling to figure out my place in the world. Where do I fit in amongst the madness. What role do I serve to my wonderful friends who keep me around and take such good care of me. I know for a fact I come off as reserved to most. Somewhat unapproachable. But, I want to be approached. So, what am I doing to scare so many people away.
I don’t trust off the bat. Probably because I have too much to share. I can’t just “be open” like most can, because being open for me means expressing a host of emotions and feelings that most people aren’t used to and don’t want to be a part of. These are things that are best saved for only the closest friends. To open up too soon scares most away. But I don’t really have an “in-between.” Sure, I can play the social game, and go have a few drinks, sing some terrible karaoke, throw some darts, play a mean second base. All these are well and good, but this is where the bulk of the acquaintances, colleagues, classmates, see me as reserved, unapproachable. But, it’s also where I’ve collected some of my closest friends over the years.
I was fretting a bit over my “unapproachable” status. Comparing myself to the nice guy that everyone likes. The “first pick” for the study team or party invite. Why isn’t that me?
Because you’re more than that. You’re the one that people go to when the good guy just isn’t enough. And maybe it takes a little longer for those relationships to grow, but people need more than just the good guy more often than you might think.
Tonight, I was able to be more than just the good guy for someone. A friend in need learned my value, and all I had to do was be there, and be myself. But, I knew to ask if he needed to be sad, or needed to be distracted. I knew how to get him to listen to himself and not put words in his mouth as he worked through complex emotions. And he felt like he could tell me how difficult it is to deal with people who want everything to be simple. Did I solve his problems in one night? No, absolutely I didn’t. Did he solve all of my issues about knowing my role in this life? No, probably not. But, I felt appreciated.
My last blog talked a little bit about heart break, and how that had made me doubt myself. That element of the broken heart wasn’t even about the romantic type of heart break, but it was the kind of pain inflicted by a friend that you trusted. This person made me feel like I wasn’t sympathetic or understanding. I began to doubt my ability to empathize and be supportive. These are the one qualities of any that I have always considered to be my strengths: the one thing that I knew how to do. To be there for friends. My people may point out other things they think are great. I am sure I can be fun and witty. I’m smart, and play a mean second base. But, being there. That’s the thing I thought I was made to do. And I was made to doubt that, so very recently.
So, tonight, I thank my anonymous friend who needed someone and happened to find me. I hate that he is hurting. Especially since the pain he is feeling is much like pain I have felt very recently. But I am thankful to have the assurance, that I really am and can be a good friend.
It’s just important to be needed.
