So, I’m single. The last two V-Days were spent not single, though each of those were certainly more disappointing than this one. (Actually, that’s not true. Two years ago my boyfriend was working on a cruise ship, and I had girls over for a delightful evening of fajitas and chick flicks.)
But the point of this story is that today I realized that it is quite likely that its the nature of relationships that make individuals afraid to be alone. For over a year and a half I was “in a relationship” with a guy I never saw. He worked on the road, and we only spent time together about once a month – at best. He called every night, he came to visit on breaks, but for the most part I was alone, yet everyone knew I was “in a relationship.” What does that mean?
Well, for starters, this Valentines Day I got not one, but multiple Happy Valentines Day wishes. (My closest friends just said Happy Hallmark Holiday, or some equivalent thereof – because really, I’ve never been into Valentines). Last night my roommate’s boyfriend even brought me flowers. One friend, knowing I’ve been sick emailed an offer of soup. Another friend bought me Dairy Queen. It’s actually been a while since I’ve gotten this much attention on a Valentines Day. The last time was a rather unfortunate and awkward incident in high school where two different boys showered me with flowers and stuffed animals. The point is, I guess when you are “in a relationship” people just assume you’re being taken care of. But when you are single, friends don’t necessarily make that assumption and they reach out to remind you that you are loved. They check in to see if you need anything.
In the last month or so, I’ve really been able to see who my true friends are. I might have been letting myself slip quietly into a depression where I worried that as my mom gets older that I would one day be alone. But that is just not true. I have some stellar people in my life who would go to hell and back for me. I may have let myself forget for a moment, but they were there to remind me – poking their heads into my life by phone, email, texts, and dinner invitations at just the right time. Some with just laughter and good times. And others with strong admonitions regarding my forgetful nature. Ash, you know you’d do the same for me, you think I really wouldn’t be there for you?
And its true. These are the rocks and pillars of my life. The ones that have already been through hell and back for me. And I for them. But what happened is I have given and given to the wrong people. They didn’t give back, and I was left feeling empty. But, I guess that’s just what happens sometimes, but it’s all the more reason to hang on to the ones that you know will always give back.
But back to my thesis. Relationships. Romantic ones. We get into them, and we can become isolated. Sometimes not even by choice. My long distance romance certainly did not take much time away from my friends and family, but it might have them think I needed them less. Or maybe it made me think I needed them less. Or even a little of both. It makes the person inside the relationship afraid to look out. It seems lonely, because sometimes our people learn to “let us be.”
I am so thankful that this world really isn’t as lonely as it sometimes seems. And I am especially thankful for good friends: old and new.
